my firsts…

i don’t know what it was about yesterday…

i was sitting in the office kitchen, talking to the 15 year old neice of our staff washing the dishes and suddenly– just out of the blue– i remembered my first kiss.

and i don’t effing know why. well, of course we were talking about boys she liked and how she feels she’s really inlove with this guy…you know how young people think everything is true love… we were talking about funny things, crazy things when suddenly this horrid memory popped out of nowhere.

and i don’t even remember the guy at all. he’s just a white blob with really big mouth on my mind now.

there was nothing pleasant about the kiss, either. it was horrible. and i remember talking to one of my friends in college about it and i promised that if i ever see that guy again i will just slap him.

yes, it was that bad.

i remember it was early evening. i was spending the night at my friend’s house and he came by on his bicycle and asked if he can talk to me. so i hopped on the back of his bicycle and he bought me to this little hut near the national high school. there were a few moments of awkward silence before he got the courage to tell me what he wanted to say. he asked if he could kiss me.

i was still thinking how to say “no” nicely when he went ahead and slobbered all over my face. it was awful. it was like, you know when you try to kiss a dog and the dog just spread saliva all over your face. ugh. it was worse than that. at least dogs are cute…and you don’t expect dogs to kiss properly, right? i remember walking back to my friend’s house and my face was just sticky. it was the grossest feeling ever. (i actually haven’t kissed a dog yet. and i don’t think i’d ever. i shudder everytime i see someone kissing a dog even if it’s just in the movies. probably because it reminds me so much of my first nightmare of a kiss!)

anyway, i pushed him and told him it was awful, it was definitely over between us and i wish he would never talk to me again. that was the second to the last time i saw him. the last time was when one of my so-called friends had a birthday and she invited him but not me after asking me to help distribute invites!! it’s fine though because i did something really horrible to some of the food they served. and i won’t say what because i think somebody who knows somebody who knows my former friend reads this blog and was most probably present at that party.

 i was told the macaroons were lovely.

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anyways, i really hate it that this blob got to “kiss” me and my very first “real” boyfriend didn’t. and he was the nicest first “real” boyfriend ever. and the cutest. and the sweetest. i even made him cry when i left for college. i told him that we were two really beautiful people and we would be far apart and it would be unfair for us if we met somebody else and we would feel horrible that we would be cheating. i think i even said that if we were meant to be, we will be together in the end. yes, i was already very corny way back then. and i thought i was really cool and everything. how embarrassing.

so fast forward three years after i broke up with him. i was inside a public multicab (it’s like a jeepney but only as big as a tricycle) and we stopped right in front of this old boyfriend’s house (the hot boyfriend not the slob. i’ll just call him “X” from now on.)anyways, i was sitting there and a motorcycle stopped and the guy took off his helmet and it turned out to be X and it was like time stopped. and i swear, it was like being in a movie. it felt like everything was in slow motion. i mean, i remember he was good-looking when we were going out but i didn’t recall him looking as delicious. (o talagang inosente pa ako noon. Hahaha) i tried to look the other way but i couldn’t so i just sat there and silently prayed that the driver get a move already and that X would not feel my stare and look my way.

when i got home my brother-in-law informed me that he saw X and he told him that i was back home and he wanted to see me. i was horrified! i panicked! he can’t see me, i insisted. i am all flab and he is just so fab! and to think i was so arrogant to dump him so casually and he turned to be so gorgeous! no effing way i will see him, i told my brother-in-law.

the next morning, i was sitting near the window, reading a book when my brother-in-law came in and announced that X was there. I peeked out of the window and there he was, sitting oh his motorcycle, looking as delicious as the other day . I threw myself on the floor and started crawling towards the bedroom. my sisters (who were still lazing on the bed) asked what i was doing on the floor and i made them promise that if anybody ever asked for me, i was asleep, i was in coma, i’m dead, whatever. i was determined, X can’t see me.

X stayed for a few hours. it’s a good thing my brother in law has a pool table dowstairs so he stayed there and waited for me to wake up. and i crawled everywhere that morning. to the bathroom to pee (just to the bathroom, not inside the bathroom), to the kitchen to drink. and from time to time, to the window just to look at him. i know i looked stupid. it’s just really pride. because i said we were too good-looking to stay together. how arrogant, right. and how stupid.

i really do still wish he was my first kiss. that he was the one who slobbered all over my face.of course, i would probably hate it then but at least now i can say: “yeah, he’s really gorgeous… too bad he’s a terrible kisser.”

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just one last X story. on one of our last dates before i dumped him, he asked if he could kiss me. i said yes (because i liked him and maybe,in my own childish way, loved him). then he puts one arm around my shoulders and kisses me on the cheek. and i remember thinking: “that was it?” he then declared that he was very happy. i now wish i asked if he wanted to be happier. but of course, i didn’t.

 

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Be happy everyone!

 

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><)))’>