nanays know best

( para kay G )

now that my college friends are in different parts of the world, the only communication we have is through our e-group.  and because all of them are mommies now, our online chats always have to end abruptly because babies need to be fed or kids are home from school. (someday, i’ll find a really good excuse to be the first to end our online conversations– aside from my usual “gtg, reallyneedtoilet!”)

sometimes i find it amusing that my friends are really parents now because when i think of most of them, i see them passed out on somebody’s living room too drunk to go home.   and now they are such responsible adults?  so when they complain about the latest kalokohan of their kids  it is always moi who reminds them of our college days and how it would only get worse for them.  of course, i can laugh about it since i’m the only non-nanay in the group.  or maybe i’m just a little-teeny-bit bitter because i do feel left out sometimes when they start chatting about their kids, and then i  just had to go ahead and surf other things on the net (like chismis)  and stalk blogs.   i only check in once in a while to see if they are done talking mommy stuff.

my email is full of baby stories and baby pictures.  not that i’m complaining. however crazy my friends are, they managed to bring beautiful babies to this world.  

* * *

g is the newest mom in the group, and everyday she keeps asking everyone for advise.  last week, she asked what was the most crazy advise our moms ever taught us that turned out to be so practical. finally, a nanay discussion i can respond to.  (may nanay kaya ako!)

except i can’t think of anything.  i try and try  to think of an answer and i can’t. 

most claim their moms just gave them the usual advise: be kind, be prayerful, study hard… (Sascha said  her mother nagged her so much about being a good person it drove her crazy. in fairness, Sascha is one of the best people i know so her mom’s nagging paid off. Eric said his mom nagged him, period.  well, he’s a good guy, too. so maybe nagging mothers are good for you? i don’t know.)i know my nanay told me all that (and maybe nagged about all that sometimes) but my nanay was too funny. i am sure she had more imagination than that.  she did have the craziest outlook and ideas on many things.  even the way too serious tita bel managed to impart these words of wisdom to my friend sherynn :  “always wear nice panties when you go out so if you get into an accident and you won’t have to worry that people might see that your undies have holes.” or something to this effect.   (i remember my sister emma knows someone whose mom also gave her the same advise. hmmm.i’m sure they don’t have the same moms, so this maybe quite popular with moms.)

sherynn  says she follows this advise to this day, and it seems silly but if ever she does get into an accident – knock on wood, she says– the first thing that would probably pop on her head is “am i wearing nice undies?”

anna karenina shared that her mom told her never to marry anyone who can’t buy her a diamond ring because “if he can’t buy a (little) ring, can he buy you a (big) house?”  and follow this advise, she did. and her husband did buy her a house, actually his parents gave them a house as a wedding gift.   sweet. (although she’s quick to add that the diamond ring and the house is just an added bonus as her husband is a wonderful guy. and he is –i should know, i set them up!) lucky woman. 

but i was still coming up empty.  i try to think back on all the conversations i had with nanay and i start feeling a little guilty. have i forgotten her or did she really not give me any crazy/practical advise at all? (except for those boring ones all mothers teach their children, op kors.)

there has to be something.  my nanay was probably the most madiskarte person on earth. i remember when i was in grade school and i didn’t want to go to school because i didn’t have baon, she would walk me to school and the first fish or vegetable vendor she meets always ends up handing me one peso for my baon. then she tells them to come by the house in the afternoon so she can repay them. (and i think she really did pay them as this happened quite often. dahil, in fairness , medyo may halaga pa ang piso ng mga panahon na iyon. naiibibili ko pa nga ng caramel ang singko noon.)  it was really embarrassing then but as everyone knows, moms are supposed to embarrass their kids.at least that’s what my friends say.

so i kept thinking, what?

nanay did tell me before that every singko sentimos is important kasi di mabubuo ang piso kung walang singko.  i remember staring at my buong piso then and thinking, “wow! really?how?” pero may singko pa ba ngayon?  there has to be something better.

* * *

anyways, i started writing this a few days back because i was supposed to post it in time for mothers day. (to make up for forgetting nanay’s 10th year death anniversary? o natakot lang na baka multuhin…: ) and mothers’ day came and went and i still could not come up with anything.

and then this morning, while i was talking to my single sister-in-law, karen, about relationships, it suddenly came to me.  of course my nanay gave me the most crazy/practical advise of all.  and maybe i just forgot about this (may not be serious) advise because i have been married for almost nine years.  and it is useless to me now.so here goes:

when i was in high school and i began to…how do i say this…matutong maglandi (e sa hindi ko kayang inglesin, e. ) she told me this:  “never stay with anyone you can’t look at for more than an hour. remember, that face might be the first thing you see when you wake up everyday for the rest of your life.“ (di pa siguro uso ang long-distance relationships noon…)

(side kwento:i once almost fought with a friend –not really fight-fight, just pacute-fight– when we both had a crush with this guy.  anyways, we only saw this guy at night when we would drop by his university supposedly to do some pol work.   then hindi sinasadya we saw him one morning and decided we both really didn’t have a crush on him after all. (and he wasn’t really bad looking. in fact, i know for a fact that a lot of people thinks he is gwapo.) there was just something about him that i can’t look at him for more than a two minutes. and so the pa-cute fight became: “it was you who saw him first, now you’re stuck with him!” luckily we both did not get stuck with him. he probably was not aware of our existence anyways. he did end up dating yet another friend. but that did not last either and she ended up with someone way better. : ))

back to the kuwento.

karen asked: isn’t that kinda shallow? well, maybe it is and  i’m pretty sure nanay reminded me that personality (and brains!) is very important but this advise (which may or may not be told in jest) was always one thing i remembered when i  was meeting guys during my naglalandi days.  whenever i meet a guy i thought i liked, i would try to stare at him and imagine looking at him everyday. a few passed the test, but after that, they failed the personality test…or maybe i failed their personality test… whatever.

but maybe it isn’t shallow at all.  i mean, you should at least be able to look at him and not cringe. besides, if you can’t bear looking at him/her, how can you even talk to him/her? in fairness, my nanay never mentioned gwapo o pangit. she just told me it has to be someone i can look at for a long time and maybe not be umay. i know not everybody is drop-dead gorgeous like me…(bwahaha!!)  but we all have different degrees of tolerence  different ideas on what’s nice to look at…or what’s lovely to behold (mas morantic na ba ‘yan?)  isn’t beauty supposed to be in the eyes of the beholder?  if you can gaze at someone for eternity,  then good for you. you may have found true love. call a priest. or a judge. (but wait, talk to him/her first. just to be sure.must-be-able-to-communicate…) 

(another side kuwento: someone really close to me asked me to attend her wedding and when i saw her husband-to-be, i asked her: “are you sure about this? have you stared at him for at least an hour?” and of course she did not find it funny then but now that they are not together anymore, she thinks i may have been right.  of course, they broke up because of more serious problems but i still think she should have done the “stare test” first.dapat kasi nakikinig sa nanay.)

anyways, it may be shallow. or it may be not shallow. or maybe my nanay was just a firm believer of love at first… stare? and i’m sure not everybody will agree.  but i think i did follow this advise (and i really did stare at my husband back when he started making pa-cute to  but i was just trying to be rude and maybe intimidate him but then i realized, he’s really not bad to look at.ay sus!) and fyi, i can stay up all night looking at my husband and still look forward to looking at him the next day. eeew!  how corny talaga love is.

good thing nanay did not give the “diamond ring” advise because then i really wouldn’t have managed to do that.saan naman hahanap ng diamante itong asawa ko?

the “nice undies” advise is a great one, too.  a girl i worked with once- told me how she went to school once wearing her “favorite” panties and you know how “favorite” panties are like “favorite”pajama bottoms.  except that you don’t mind if your pajama bottoms slide down to the floor sometimes… not unless you also wear them to school. 

anyways, there you go, G.  you’ll do well. you don’t have to be wise all the time.  you can still be your old crazy self, and still be a great mom.  (my nanay was a lot crazy and i loved her . i still do.)

* * *

be happy everyone!

 

* * *

p.s. now that i think about it, maybe it was my tatay who gave me that advise. aaah! kakaloka!

* * *

><)))’>