…

i know i promised i won’t be a lazy blogger. but, guess what? i lied!

not on purpose though.  i have written a few entries about my india and nepal trip but i haven’t had the chance to post them.  i had very little to zero internet access while i was there. in india, i was working in a very rural area  and there was so much power interruption in nepal it was a waste of time to even open a computer.

i thought i would be able to post them along with some photos when i arrived in manila, but no. i was like busy as hell. writing, transcribing and catching up with friends and family, of course.  and just when i thought it was finished, our office computer crashed. and my traitor little flashdisk? when i tried to use it again, i was told it wasn’t formatted. or whatever. basically, it meant my life was over.

i called a friend, who is supposedly an i.t expert and i was told there was nothing i could do but cry and start over.  and she reminded me to always have back-ups. i was like, yeah, i had back ups. and it crashed as well.  i am now sorry for biting her head off but since i’m rarely mad, i think she has forgiven me. i hope.

so after crying and cursing everybody who tried to talk to me, i re-wrote everything (at least tried to. still in the process now) and submitted the crappiest report ever written by a person over the age of five. it was gross.  even my favorite literary icon’s best poem (AMF forever! wooo!!!) is better that what i wrote. I’m sure the book reports i wrote when i was in grade school were way better than that report. and i spent 48 hours straight without sleep to write it. it was crap. believe me, i always though i was suicidal before, but after writing that crap, i just wanted to crawl to a dark place and die.

and it doesn’t help that everyday i transcribe and try to decipher notes (i can’t even read my own effing notes!) and re-write and every day i’m reminded that it sucks to be me!

i can’t believe how people can still stand being with me everyday. even my husband said i was depressing to be with nowadays.  (and then assures me that he loves me still and wishes i be normal again soon. well, yeah, i wish that, too.) oh, well… i even forgot my nanay’s death anniversary.  and when my sister reminded me, i was like “well, what am i supposed to say? happy anniversary?”. it was a stupid thing to say, i know. but i am stupid these days. i am only thankful that my nanay is so such a scaredy cat that even if i said something wrong,i’m positive she won’t come back to haunt me.

anyways, tried the zipline thing the other day. (it’s like they tie you to a cable and you hang there and slide to the other side of the river…something like that) just to release all the tension. my mother-in-law was mad at me for doing it. it was fun. a hundred pesos well-spent.  i read it was supposed to help get rid of stress and tension. but i am still stressed and depressed as ever. maybe i should have spent a thousand and just went back and forth. my sister-in-law said it would have worked if i screamed. maybe. i’ll do that next time.

you’ll know when i will be in a better mood. and that will be the day i will post my india and nepal entries. as for now i’ll crawl back to my dark corner…

be happy everyone.  i’ll try to be happy in my next post.